Front

IS SWEARING COOL?

2007-01-15T15:02:00.000Z

Two men, two very different ways of swearing. We’ve always been fond of foul and abusive language here at FRONT and naturally looked up to Ramsay as a master of dishing out cruel obscenities. The sailor-mouthed chef made swearing bigger and cleverer than anyone else since a caller swore at 5 Star on kid’s TV. But then along comes Leo Sayer who has done his best on Celebrity Big Brother to make the word “fuck” sound weaker and feebler than it’s ever done before. We’re just glad he’s walked before any serious damage was done. Hopefully, he’s headed back Down Under where he can wash his shitty mouth out, the dirty fucking frizzy-haired cunt.

We've only gone and made another bleedin' issue

2006-11-10T16:32:00.000Z

That's right, Front 103 is out now. As well as the spectacular Natasha Marley, beautiful but anonymous girls playing retro video games, the Temps (where we send half-naked models to YOUR workplace) and the bum-fondlingly good features on car crews, WWE wrestling, Oasis, millionaires, prisons in Venezuela, a visit to Darren Gough's garage and an unsettling list of how our freedoms are infringed in this country, there's also a spectacular free DVD.
This is the best issue yet of the best magazine in the world. Scientists claimed that to make a magazine any better than our last issue would break all of the rules of science. Well, rules of science are just like rules in children's playgrounds - they're there to be fuckin' broken.
Enjoy the mag.

We have moved

2006-11-09T11:21:00.000Z

FRONT has upped sticks, left fashionable Old Street and set up camp in the Docklands, East London. At first we felt lost amongst the high-rise towers but then we discovered a bit of calm amongst the concrete jungle: a farm. It’s like proper countryside and even smells of shit. We went there to touch the animals.

http://home.btconnect.com/mudchute/

Luck changes for the UK’s unluckiest footy team

2006-11-08T10:39:00.000Z

FRONT, with a bit of help from the lads at Umbro, have achieved the impossible and turned round the fortunes of the country’s unluckiest footy team. North Yorkshire side Wills Bar FC feared they were cursed after a string of unfortunate events, including having wallets knicked, cars broken into and one player being bummed by a stray dog or something like that. See how their luck changed in this mildly crazy vid.

We don't go on about this

2006-10-30T19:24:00.000Z

There was a five-a-side footy tournament the other day for newspapers and magazines to compete in and bicker over. Nike invited us to compete, and offered us ace new kit. Due to a fucked ankle ligament, a fucked knee, a couple of fucked backs, general fuckedness, prior engagements, living in fucking Sunderland and being a girl, most of our team were unavailable. Essex genius Damo stepped up to the mark however, putting Theydon Bois on the map by scoring this kick-arse penalty against another magazine (it was called Testicles or Balls or something, we think it must be a gay mag).

Issue 102 will improve your life

2006-10-23T12:24:00.000Z

FRONT issue 102 is guaranteed to be the best collection of printed pieces of paper bound together the world has ever seen. One bloke we know initially claimed that the Bible was better, but then he read FRONT again and saw the error of his ways. He has now got a trendy new haircut and is more popular with girls. That is how good this magazine is.

Nottingham: ROAD TRIP

2006-10-06T09:10:00.000Z

The FRONT team have just returned from their first ever road trip. We're glad to say no one died, no one got bummed by good ol' boys, nobody squealed like a piggy, we just drank lots of booze (much of it free - thanks to the lads at Revolution vodka bar, Hockley). See our full guide to Nottingham in a couple of issues time.

And for the record books there sadly aren’t four ladies to every man in Nottingham as the popular myth goes. This is complete bollocks. The only time ladies far outnumbered men in the city was in WWII when lots of girls flocked to the city to help make army uniforms. We shit you not Sherlock.

SHAVE THE HOMELESS!!

2006-10-04T12:52:00.000Z

Once again god bless us we've gone good karma hunting and decided to help the homeless, this time in an amazing clipper test. Rather than shaving our own lazy bonces or just making it all up we found some heads that would really appreciate a free shave up!!
We teamed up with the brilliant BIG ISSUE to round up some vendors and generally provide people with free skinheads all day!
All those who took part got to keep their clippers and also a FRONT styley box of goodies which included clothes, grooming products and trainers.
The 'trampsformation' campaign will be continuing to help the homeless so watch this space!
Photos: Joe Hunt. Shave Master: Garmez Xl. Shoot Co-ordinator: Bufty Forrester
Thanks to all at the Big Issue.

Gadget Of The Month

2006-10-02T00:15:00.000Z

We love this. It's a machine which helps cats with no legs regain a small bit of their freedom. It's almost like giving them an extra life - 10 lives instead of the bog standard 9.

A Spy In Our Midst?

2006-09-27T14:24:00.000Z

Who's this? It's none other than Tony Teasdale, editor of Ice Mag, hanging around in the FRONT office. He claimed his visit was simply to get some pics of a pair of Reeboks but we smell espionage. And look at the guilty look on the face of FRONT's picture editor Neil. An investigation will be taking place.

FRONT Goes Emo

2006-09-27T13:34:00.000Z

The brilliant October issue of FRONT complete with our new fancy index system down the side is out right now. It's modelled here by our excellent emo workies Abi and Chris. They almost look like twins don't they? They claim they're not but we're not so sure so we're having them DNA tested next week.

Living the dream

2006-09-27T13:26:00.000Z

Here's FRONT writer Damian with dancing fella Darren Gough. We spent a morning looking round his garage for a special Gough's Garage feature. It will rock your world or something similar.

Contributor Of The Month

2006-09-27T13:20:00.000Z

Meet Andrew Dawson. He comes down to London every month and sits in our office for two days. He writes stuff for the mag such as the mental Fact Factory. He's kind of like a big frightening teddy bear, we like him.

This sure doesn't look like Spain

2006-09-27T10:52:00.000Z

Apparently you need something called a "passport" to get on planes these days. I'm meant to be in Barcelona, but my passport is in Wales. Yes, I am a twat. I know this.

Issue 102 is on shelves now. It's fucking great. Anyone who doesn't buy it and love it is either a transvestite or a bell-end.

We went to Anna Taverner's birthday party last night.

2006-09-14T11:29:00.000Z

See, if we turned up to a party dressed like this we'd get beaten up.

It's shocking behaviour, it really is.

Obviously, being morally upstanding citizens, we frown on this sort of thing.

Anyone who says we all got drunk and enjoyed ourselves while being right dirty nonces is LYING.

Fashion editors? Gay-looking? NEVER!

2006-09-13T11:45:00.000Z

Some people think only homosexuals work in fashion. Disproving that is our Fashion Editor Rich Evans who clearly looks as straight as the day is long. Nothing gay-looking about this picture at all.

The Tribunal

2006-09-08T15:10:00.000Z

After arriving in work late after spending an evening dozing in some meat (see below), I was told there was a new tribunal system for people being slack, involving the slacker standing on a table and justifying their actions. This turned out to be a cunning ploy for Rich to try de-pantsing me on camera. Things didn't go quite to plan, but I now have a really nice new pair of jeans.
WARNING: Contains shots of a ginger man's thigh.

What time will Mike arrive?

2006-09-08T09:51:00.000Z

Here’s FRONT's news editor Mike Rampton with a piece of bacon stuck in his glasses. He’s fallen asleep while eating a steak in a posh restaurant. That was at two in the morning, please place your bets on what time he will arrive for work.

Tramps-formation: The Movie

2006-09-07T16:06:00.000Z

We don't want to go on about it, but we are very good people. Tired of seeing bland makeovers all over magazines and the telly, we decided to give two proper tramps a makeover, along with our hairdresser mate Michael Douglas. Yes, that is his name.
We videoed the whole thing and, after having an editing machine ruthlessly let loose upon it, here it is.
We're not saying we're the best people in the world, or better than Ghandi and Mother Theresa rolled together. We're not saying that. That is for other people to say.

Tramps-formation

2006-09-05T14:04:00.000Z

Here's a taster of our extreme makeover of two tramps we literally found in a bin near our office. One of them claims that thanks to our style tips he has since landed a job in a local bagel factory (although he was dribbling when he told us this). See more of the makeover in issue 102, on the shelves October 5th.

Albanian kebabs and Australian legends

2006-09-04T08:25:00.000Z

Hangover cures and good drunk food are the best consumable things in the world, so finding a new one of either is a fantastic thing. The hungover day that I discovered the magical combination of chicken legs and Copella was one of the greatest days of my life.
On Saturday I had had a reasonably sedate night in a pub, drinking Guinness and admiring the barmaid's mysteriously sexy war-ravaged appearance, and two of us were wandering homewards when we came across an Albanian-Chinese restaurant that was still open. The man who cooked the Chinese had gone home, so we could only get Albanian kebabs.
It had never occurred to me that Albanian food existed. I always assumed they lived off dirty rainwater and goats. I don't even really know where Albania is. Albania is a subject I know nothing about, but at that point I thought Albanian kebabs would become my new favourite drunk food.
I was wrong. My plate came, and had six beefburgers on it that had clearly come out of a 49p supermarket own-brand box, a tomato, sme mysterious white stuff and a huge amount of oil. It didn't seem like an Albanian kebab. It seemed like it was from Iceland, and covered in Greece.
(That joke doesn't really work written down. It doesn't really work out loud either.)
So yeah, don't eat Albanian kebabs. They're SHIT.

Also, Steve Irwin is dead. A friend of mine told me this morning and I assumed there was going to be a really amazing punchline, but he wasn't joking. I liked Steve Irwin. He made entertaining and interesting telly. He was Australia's manliest man. He wasn't scared of anything, and he liked doing dangerous things, and he was clearly really passionate about what he did. He was pretty much on borrowed time since he started sticking bits of himself in crocodiles for fun, but it was a shitty way to go. This is the saddest I've been about a famous person dying since Richard Whiteley.

Victims of terrorist attacks don't want to be remembered as chronic masturbators

2006-09-01T09:40:00.000Z

I flew on a plane the other day for the first time since all this fluid explosion malarkey. I don't generally get paranoid about terrorists and stuff, but I hadn't slept properly for about a week and was feeling a bit emotionally fragile. I got up in the middle of the night convinced my plane would explode. Rather than freaking out about it, I gathered together all the pornography in my house, took it outside and binned it. I wasn't worried about the whole death thing so much as my bereaved parents cleaning my hovel and finding a stack of well-thumbed grot mags.
Make of that what you will.

The worst excuse ever

2006-08-25T07:15:00.000Z

When staff are late at FRONT we’ve heard some piss poor excuses, the usual train was late and car broke down rubbish but this morning we reached a new low. Writer Mike Rampton must be named and shamed for blaming his tumble dryer for his lack of punctuality (a whole hour late in the end). You wouldn’t get away with it if you worked at Homebase Mike, a place you just might be looking for a job in the very near future.

This is honestly the best thing ever

2006-08-24T14:39:00.000Z

You have to watch this. It starts off really funny, then you keep thinking it'll stop being funny, but it doesn't. Watch right up to the end, it's ace. It's probably inadvisable to watch this at work, unless you work in a wankatorium. We could say more about it, but it's best you just experience it for yourselves. Turn the volume way up.
CLICK IT, CLICK IT REAL GOOD.
In other news, nothing really. Johnny and Ricky have both left us so we all went out for a few drinks last night, and somehow managed to get completely fucked. I broke my phone, and it now only works one way. I can hear people but they can't hear me, even if I shout. When someone phones, all I hear is "Hello? Hello? Goddamn it, that fucking bastard's broken his fucking phone. I hate him". I don't know how to fix it.
If anyone has any spare tickets for the Reading Festival, get in touch. You can have a bucket of grot in return that is larger than a man's head.

Party

2006-08-21T13:13:00.000Z

We had a party on Thursday to celebrate our 100th issue coming out. It was ace - we all got unhygenically drunk and did a lot of swearing. As well as us bastards, there was a massive cascade of models, such as the lovely Jerri Byrne:

(For some reason, which probably has a lot to do with wanking, the pictures that were taken of the models are taking a really long time to come in. Pictures of men were with us almost instantly, but the ones featuring beautiful cleavagey ladies are taking forever. Some people. Some god damn people...)
Old-school FRONT readers will recognise former columnist Dodgy Dave Courtney:

And the best band since music was invented turned up. The Towers Of London are geniuses, and were responsible for the most insane weekend of my life, a year ago almost to the day. I also hold them indirectly responsible for nearly shitting myself in an Australian girl's house the day after I got back, and having to run home clutching my arse (I haven't seen the Australian girl since. Sore).

More pictures to come soon, when fingers are pulled from arses.

Issue 100 is out and BRILLIANT

2006-08-16T15:44:00.000Z

This magazine was made almost entirely on gin, Cobra and good old-fashioned British stress. It contains, amongst other things, a free supplement of our sexiest shoots ever, interviews with Peter Stringfellow, Lemmy, John "John's Not Mad" Davidson and a 100 year-old man, the best things we've ever done, the worst things we've ever done, ill-advised predictions for the new footie season and the usual combination of sexiness, jokes, football, drunkenness and idiocy that have made us last this long. Buy it, enjoy it and tell your friends how good it is, but make them buy their own copies because you don't want yours getting dirty.

Hello the Internet. We are all falling to bits.

2006-08-14T10:19:00.001Z

Hello, people of the Internet.
This is the new blog of Front Magazine, the UK's finest purveyor of creative swearing and semi-artistic nudity. We are quite cleverly starting it in the most chaotic week ever. Our 100th issue hits shelves any day now, we're running out of time on issue 101 (which means we're simultaneously working very hard and shitting ourselves), and we're all falling to bits. Neil and Steve are both off sick, Barnes has a doctor looking inside his brain, and I've got a fractured radius and a fucked knee. The fractured radius came from doing a really inadvisable thing with a rugby league team (which will be in the mag fairly soon) and the knackered knee came from being a twat on a small motorbike while having a fractured radius.
We're also having a big party on Thursday to celebrate issue 100 coming out. We re-designed the whole thing, which meant it took bloody ages to make. As a result of this, on Thursday night we're probably all going to end up extremely ill and some combination of violent, affectionate, smug and emotional.
How active this blog gets depends on how arsed everyone else can be to post stuff, but we're going to try and keep it fairly busy when we're not completely snowed under or blind sodding drunk. Any comments or suggestions you have, either about the magazine itself or this blog, are very welcome. Don't be an arsehole about it though, if you just keep saying "ur shit and gay!!!lol!!!1" then we'll all get bored pretty quickly.
Until it all gets going properly, enjoy this video of a de-pantsing.

Cheers.